ok, so here are some things running in my brain:
i am really homesick and really not homesick at the same time, i'm not sure which one it is really. i mean, i almost can't tell even what "home" is anymore. maybe i have different homes. i miss my parents' home, which i also equate with my sisters' presence. i miss my portland home of friends and places there. i feel really separated from that feeling of being at a home. i'm probably just thinking too much, yes that must be it! however, drinking the bag of stumptown jessica brought for me helps. and looking at all the absurd photos of tokyo is also a great remedy (really, this place is incomprehensible to explain through words. this place is a feeling that you have to experience first hand. i can honestly say, it is the complete and utter opposite of anywhere i have lived or been to.) and keeping busy with work helps. i realized that perspective is limited if its self inclined, as well as self limiting. SO, i have been inspired by people i have never met. people who have this energy that is so strong and so brilliant that it just shines through without their physical presence. and i continue, of course, to be inspired by those i know and have growing friendships with. people are so inspiring! LIFE IS INSPIRING.
also, this may sound weird but i think i'm a woman now. it makes me laugh to think about it. but, my voice i think is permanently husky. my face has changed. I NO LONGER WANT ANYTHING HELLO KITTY RELATED IN MY VICINITY (i think there's a small collection of hello kitty kitchen appliances at my parent's house in las vegas if anyone out there is so inclined to pick them up, PLEASE DO SO. I AM MAINLY FOCUSING THIS AT CHANCE JACKSON RIGHT NOW.) and i am not afraid of anything anymore. i will go to South America next winter. i will probably go to India, as well. i want to live in a mountain with a large lake. i want to farm. AND I WILL DO THESE THINGS, ALL OF THEM.
Happy Birthday, to me.
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