that was the first thing i read from this amazing book, "Love & Free" by a Japanese author, who's name escapes me. this man married his wife and three days later, they left Japan for a trip around the world in a little under two years. they went to 30 countries together. the book is comprised of beautiful photos and wonderful words.
i've been having trouble asking myself what i want. i find myself again at this transition. i never quite felt settled in Japan, especially in Tokyo. my apartment feels like someone else's college dorm room (and i never experienced dorm life, so i guess three years post its fitting?), and lately i have constant thoughts of leaving and envisioning the Patagonia.
my social, personal and romantic life is a constant rollercoaster. it literally changes day-to-day...i meet new people constantly, but none of them have stuck. maybe because i constantly talk about farming in Argentina. and in Tokyo, people think its absurd and they have no plans to leave this city anytime soon. i'm not comfortable with a heightened celebrity status via white American girl in Japan.
whatever, i have this problem babbling. i feel like explaining these things to myself aloud or in writing somehow comforts me.
but i was sort of in this head space leaving Portland. the months beforehand, i constantly talked of leaving and i paid no mind to actualize plans for Japan. i want these next five months to be quite different. i actually need to have some solid ground for myself, i won't have someone there to hold my hand all the way through. and i think this is the biggest difference in me, now. i refuse to go through life thinking that things just happen to me. and to allow those things to control me. things are always happening, but i have control over my actions and subsequent inactions, as well.
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